Resources

Talking About and Contemplating Death

Conversations about death can feel daunting, yet they possess an unparalleled capacity to bring us closer to our humanity. Just as we navigate life's triumphs and trials through dialogue and connection, so too can we approach death with openness and understanding. Embracing these conversations empowers us to face life's ultimate certainty with grace and preparation. Whether death looms near or lies on a distant horizon, have a plan (and a backup plan or two). Discussing and planning death is wise and can bring peace so you can focus on living.

Books

• The Beauty of What Remains: How Our Greatest Fear Becomes Our Greatest Gift (2021) / Steve Leder

• A Beginner's Guide to the End: Practical Advice for Living and Facing Death (2019) / Dr. BJ Miller and Shoshana Berger

• The Conversation: A Revolutionary Plan for End-of-Life Care (2016) / Dr. Angelo E. Volandes

• The End: The Human Experience of Death (2014) / Bianca Nogrady

• Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully (2017) / Frank Ostaseski

• Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals (2021) / Oliver Burkeman

• From Here to Eternity: Traveling the World to Find the Good Death (2017) / Caitlin Doughty

• The Good Death: The New American Search to Reshape the End of Life (1997) / Marilyn Webb

• Healing into Life and Death (1989) / Stephen Levine

• Heartwood: The Art of Living with the End in Mind (2021) / Barbara Becker

• I Will Die: A Creative Journal for Mortals (2016) / Jessica Featherly

• Let's Talk About Death (Over Dinner): An Invitation and Guide to Life's Most Important Conversation (2018) / Michael Hebb 

• Living and Dying with Confidence: A Day by Day Guide (2016) / Anyen Rinpoche and Allison Choying Zangmo 

• The Lost Art of Dying: Reviving Forgotten Wisdom (2020) / L. S. Dugdale

• Making Peace with Death and Dying (2022) / Judith Johnson

• On Living (2016) / Kerry Egan

• Preparing for a Better End: Expert Lessons on Death and Dying for You and Your Loved Ones (2020) / Dan Morhaim and Shelley Morhaim

• Remember Me: A Lively Tour of the New American Way of Death (2006) / Lisa Takeuchi Cullen

• Talking About Death Won't Kill You: The Essential Guide to End-of-Life Conversations (2018) / Dr. Kathy Kortes-Miller

• Twelve Breaths a Minute: End-of-Life Essays (2011) / Lee Gutkind (ed.)

• We All Know How This Ends: Lessons About Life and Living from Working with Death and Dying (2021) / Anna Lyons & Louise Winter 

• A Year to Live: How to Live this Year as if it Were Your Last (1997) / Stephen Levine

Websites & Multimedia

• The Conversation Project / Institute for Healthcare Improvement

• Dead Talks - YouTube Channel

• The Death Deck - conversation cards

• Death Over Dinner

• WeCroak - app

End-of-Life Plans

I truly believe that the greatest gift you can leave your loved ones is a plan for your body and your things after your death. I cringe when I hear folks say, "Do whatever you want with me after I'm gone, I won't care!" Because when your surviving loved ones aren't sure of your wishes, it can lead to disagreement, guessing, second-guessing, guilt, and more, all during a time that is rife with sharp grief and uncertainty. Record your wishes in writing and let your loved ones know. In honoring your own journey, you pave the way for theirs, fostering understanding, unity, and peace in the wake of loss. 

Books

• At Peace: Choosing a Good Death After a Long Life (2018) / Dr. Samuel Harrington

• The Beauty of What Remains: How Our Greatest Fear Becomes Our Greatest Gift (2021) / Steve Leder

• A Beginner's Guide to the End: Practical Advice for Living and Facing Death (2019) / Dr. BJ Miller and Shoshana Berger

• The Conversation: A Revolutionary Plan for End-of-Life Care (2016) / Dr. Angelo E. Volandes

• The End of Life Advisor: Personal, Legal, and Medical Considerations for a Peaceful, Dignified Death (2009) / Susan R. Dolan and Audrey R. Vizzard

• A Good Death: A Compassionate and Practical Guide to Prepare for the End of Life (2020) / Margaret Rice

• The Good Funeral Guide: Everything You Need to Know, Everything You Need to Do (2010) / Charles Cowling

• Home Funeral Ceremonies: A Primer to Honor the Dying and the Dead with Reverence, Light-Heartedness, and Grace (2015) / Donna Belk and Kateyanne Unullisi

• It's Your Funeral! Plan the Celebration of a Lifetime--Before It's Too Late (2021) / Kathy Benjamin

• Nature’s Embrace: Japan’s Aging Urbanities and New Death Rites (2010) / Satsuki Kawano

• Poems and Readings for Funerals (2004) / Julie Watson (ed.)

• Reimagining Death: Stories and Practical Wisdom for Home Funerals and Green Burials (2019) / Lucinda Herring

• Remember Me: A Lively Tour of the New American Way of Death (2006) / Lisa Takeuchi Cullen

• We All Know How This Ends: Lessons About Life and Living from Working with Death and Dying (2021) / Anna Lyons & Louise Winter 

Websites & Multimedia

• Afternote Lifeplanning 

• BeRemembered: Bucket List, Funeral Planning, and Your Life Stories

• Funeral Consumers Alliance

• The Funeral Rule / Federal Trade Commission

• Guide to Advance Directives / HealthInAging.org

• The Inspired Funeral

• Lantern: Planning Ahead - app

• Louisiana LGBTQ End of Life Guide / Wake

• My Directives: Online Advance Care Plan

• The National Home Funeral Alliance

• National POLST

• Non-Monogamy and Deathcare: An End-of-Life Resource for the Non-Monogamy Community / OPEN

• Prepare for Your Care

• The Queer Funeral Guide / Ash Hayhurst

• Veterans' Funeral and Burial Benefits / Funerals Consumer Alliance

• We Expire: Simpler Than a Will, Safer than a Note - app

Learn About Death Doulas

Death or end-of-life doulas can offer companionship, support, education, resources, and comfort through a variety of services and experiences. Alongside chaplains, hospice workers, social workers, and family caregivers, a doula can help expand a dying individual's circle of care. These articles illuminate the transformative presence of doulas and the impact they have on the families they serve. This is an exciting time because doulas are helping to redefine the landscape of end-of-life care with compassion, dignity, and unwavering dedication. 

Books, Articles & More

• Briefly, Perfectly Human: Making an Authentic Life by Getting Real About the End (2024) / Alua Arthur

• A Death Doula Keeps Legacies Alive in Rural Oregon (3/13/2024) / Jefferson Public Radio

• Death Doulas: Helping People at the End of Their Life (3/5/2024) / Erica Borgstrom

• Death Doulas: Navigating Life's Final Chapter with Compassion and Support (3/5/2024) / Medriva

• Death is Just One Day: How End-of-Life Doulas are Changing the Conversation Around How We Die (2/2/2024) / Anthony Ha

• Death Over Dim Sum (1/2/2024) / Randi Mazzella

• Dying Without Regrets According to a Death Doula (2/15/2024) / VICE Video

• End-of-Life Doula Can Help Alzheimer's Patient, Caregivers Through Sometimes Overwhelming Process (2/12/2024) / Dana Territo

• The Good Death (3/1/2024) / Joey Asher

• 'No reason to be scared': Why some are turning to 'death doulas' as the end approaches (1/17/2024) / Sophia Liang for the Courier Journal

• The Realities of Being a Death Doula (1/16/2024) / The Social CTV - Video

• Supporting the Dying: Death Doulas are an Emerging Field (1/31/2024) / Rose Lincoln 

Resources for Children

The death of a beloved animal companion or family member can be especially difficult for children. Fortunately, books and other resources can provide comfort and direction. Adult caregivers of children should review each resource before sharing with children.

Picture Books

The most effective picture books about death contain language and themes that child grief experts recommend. These include biological truths, like: death is irreversible, all life functions cease at the time of death, everything alive eventually dies, and there are physical reasons for death (illness, accident, bodies wear out). And sociocultural components, like: any emotional reaction is normal, and there are cultural, spiritual, and/or religious beliefs and practices surrounding death (funerals, wakes, celebrations of life, burial practices, and more). It’s also important that direct language is used: use of the three D’s: death, dead, dying; and euphemisms for death are avoided (gone, passed, eternal sleep). Based on my research and a review of 86 picture books for children on the topic of death and dying, here are the top books I recommend sharing with children.

• Saying Goodbye to Uncle Joe: What to Expect When Someone You Love Dies (2011) / Nancy Loewen

• What Happens When a Loved One Dies? (2016) / Dr. Jillian Roberts

• When a Pet Dies (1998) / Fred Rogers

• I Miss You: A First Look at Death (2001) / Pat Thomas

• Ben's Flying Flowers (2012) / Inger Maier

• Maybe Dying is Like Becoming a Butterfly (2019) / Pimm van Hest

• When Dinosaurs Die (1998) / Laurie Krasny Brown & Marc Brown 

Resources for Teens

• Grief Resources for Teens / Dougy Center

• We Need to Talk About Death: An Important Book About Grief, Celebrations, and Love (2024) / Sarah Chavez and Neon Squid

For Adults Who Care for Children

• Annie's Hope: The Center for Grieving Kids

• Finding the Words: How to Talk with Children and Teens about Death, Suicide, Homicide, Funerals, Cremation, and other End-of-Life Matters (2013) / Dr. Alan Wolfelt

• Jill MacFarlane – The Sharing Place Where Kids and Their Families Cope with Grief and Loss / When You Die - podcast episode

• Grief Resources for Kids / Dougy Center

Grief and Grieving

If you are in the thick of acute grief, I do not recommend that you read books about grief. Thanatologist Cole Imperi suggests that the best way to treat acute grief is with salt, fat, water, heat, familiar movies, and romance novels. Read more about this. The books below are great for those who wish to offer a loved one support in their grief, or for when your own grief settles a bit, and becomes incorporated into your life (for it never really goes away).

Books

• Anxiety: The Missing Stage of Grief (2018) / Claire Bidwell Smith, LCPC

• The Art of Comforting: What to Say and Do for People in Distress (2010) / Val Walker

• As Long as You Need: Permission to Grieve (2024) / J.S. Park

• Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience (2021) / Brené Brown

• Bittersweet: How Sorry and Longing Make Us Whole (2022) / Susan Cain

• Breaking Sad: What to Say After Loss, What Not to Say, and When to Just Show Up (2017) / Shelly Fisher and Jennifer Jones

• Everything is Fine: A Memoir (2022) / Vince Granata

• Finding the Words: Working Through Profound Loss with Hope and Purpose (2023) / Colin Campbell

• Grief is for People (2024) / Sloane Crosley

• Grief is Love: Living with Loss (2022) / Marisa Renee Lee

• Grieving is Loving (2020) / Dr. Joanne Cacciatore

• Healing a Spouse's Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas After Your Husband or Wife Dies (2003) / Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt

• Hello Grief: I'll Be Right with You (2022) / Alessandra Olanow

• I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping, and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One (2008) / Brook Noel and Dr. Pamela D. Blair

• The Intimacy of Death and Dying (2012) / Claire Leimbach, Trypheyna McShane, and Zenith Virago 

• It’s OK That You’re Not OK (2017) / Megan Devine

• Late Migrations: A Natural History of Love and Loss (2019) / Margaret Renkl

• The Light Streamed Beneath It: A Memoir of Grief and Celebration (2021) / Shawn Hitchins

• Lighter: Let Go of the Past, Connect with the Present, and Expand the Future (2022) / yung pueblo

• Love Hurts: Buddhist Advice for the Heartbroken (2016) / Lodro Rinzler

• Modern Loss (2018) & The Modern Loss Handbook (2022) / Rebecca Soffer and Gabrielle Birkner 

• Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss (1994) / Hope Edelman

• Normal Broken: The Grief Companion for When It's Time to Heal But You're Not Sure You Want To (2023) / Kelly Cervantes

• Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy (2017) / Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant

• There is No Good Card for This (2017) / Dr. Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell

• Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don't Know (2021) / Adam Grant

• This One Wild and Precious Life: The Path Back to Connection in a Fractured World (2020) / Sarah Wilson

• What’s Your Grief? Lists to Help You Through Any Loss (2022) / Eleanor Haley and Litsa Williams

Websites & Multimedia

• Grief.com

• Grief Refuge App

• Lantern: Managing a Death - app

• Losing Loved Ones (grief during the holidays) / Hospice Nurse Julie - video

• Olivia Bareham: Falling into Grief / When You Die - podcast episode

• What's Your Grief?

• The Artists' Grief Deck - activities and prompts

Legacy

Thinking about the feelings, impressions, and ripples you leave behind when you die can help you to examine and improve the way you live.

Books

• The Art of Dying Well: A Practical Guide to a Good End of Life (2019) / Katy Butler

• Death is But a Dream: Finding Hope and Meaning at Life's End (2020) / Dr. Christopher Kerr

• Death’s Summer Coat (2016) / Brandy Schillace 

• Find the Good (2015) / Heather Lende

• Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully (2017) / Frank Ostaseski

• For You When I’m Gone: Twelve Essential Questions to Tell a Life Story (2022) / Steve Ledder (see Essential Questions)

• Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals (2021) / Oliver Burkeman

• Heartwood: The Art of Living with the End in Mind (2021) / Barbara Becker

• How will you measure your life? (2012) / Clayton Christensen

• Let’s Talk About Death Over Dinner (2018) / Michael Hebb

• Living and Dying with Confidence: A Day by Day Guide (2016) / Anyen Rinpoche and Allison Choying Zangmo 

• The Lost Art of Dying: Reviving Forgotten Wisdom (2020) / L. S. Dugdale

• The World According to Mister Rogers (2019) / Fred Rogers

Websites

• Afternote Lifeplanning 

• BeRemembered: Bucket List, Funeral Planning, and Your Life Stories

• Legacy Activities / Hospice Waterloo Region

Rituals, Meditations, and Ceremonies

Rituals and ceremonies offer us a framework to acknowledge and navigate the complexities of our emotions and beliefs, while meditations can provide a conduit for understanding, gratitude, and peace. They can serve as anchors, offering solace, fortitude, and belonging. Don't be afraid to create your own new rituals, write your own meditations, or modernize a family tradition. 

Books

• The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why it Matters (2018) / Priya Parker

• The Art of Stopping Time: Practical Mindfulness for Busy People (2017) / Pedram Shojai

• Being with Dying: Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness in the Presence of Death (2008) / Joan Halifax

• Death Nesting: Ancient & Modern Death Doula Techniques, Mindfulness Practices, and Herbal Care (2019) / Anne-Marie Keppel

• The End: The Human Experience of Death (2014) / Bianca Nogrady

• Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness (revised ed.) (2018) / Jon Kabat-Zinn 

• Healing into Life and Death (1989) / Stephen Levine

• The Heartfulness Way: Heart-Based Meditations for Spiritual Transformation (2018) / Kamlesh D. Patel and Joshua Pollock

• Hello, Goodbye: 75 Rituals for Times of Loss, Celebration, and Change (2022) / Day Schildkret

• Home Funeral Ceremonies: A Primer to Honor the Dying and the Dead with Reverence, Light-Heartedness, and Grace (2015) / Donna Belk and Kateyanne Unullisi

• Lagom: The Swedish Art of Balanced Living (2017) / Linnea Dunne

• Lighter: Let Go of the Past, Connect with the Present, and Expand the Future (2022) / yung pueblo

• Now is the Way: An Unconventional Approach to Modern Mindfulness (2019) / Cory Allen

• The Pagan Book of Living and Dying: Practical Rituals, Prayers, Blessings, and Meditations on Crossing Over (1997) / Starhawk and M. Macha NightMare

• The Power of Breathwork: Simple Practices to Promote Wellbeing (2020) / Jennifer Patterson

• Spirit Wheel: Meditations from an Indigenous Elder (2023) / Steven Charleston

• The Tibetan Book of the Dead for Beginners: A Guide for Living and Dying (2023) / Lama Lhanang Rinpoche and Mordy Levine

Websites & Multimedia

• The Inspired Funeral

• Day Schildkret: The Transformative Power of Ritual / When You Die - podcast episode

Natural Funerals

When faced with planning a funeral, many consumers believe there are two main choices when it comes to body disposition: burial or cremation. But there are negative ecological and health effects that can result from the way burial and cremation are carried out. Learn about alternatives such as aquamation, unembalmed burial, natural organic reduction, and others. Discover how reclaiming funeral practices can lead to a deeper sense of meaning and foster community connection while also mitigating environmental impacts and promoting individual well-being. 

Books

• From Here to Eternity: Traveling the World to Find the Good Death (2017) / Caitlin Doughty

• Grave Matters: A Journey Through the Modern Funeral Industry to a Natural Way of Burial (2008) / Mark Harris

• The Green Burial Guidebook: Everything You Need to Plan an Affordable, Environmentally Friendly Burial (2018) / Elizabeth Fournier

• Greening Death: Reclaiming Burial Practices and Restoring Our Tie to the Earth (2015) / Suzanne Kelly

• Home Funeral Ceremonies: A Primer to Honor the Dying and the Dead with Reverence, Light-Heartedness, and Grace (2015) / Donna Belk and Kateyanne Unullisi

• Last Rites: The Evolution of the American Funeral (2022) / Todd Harra

• Our Last Best Act: Planning for the End of Our Lives to Protect the People and Places We Love (2021) / Mallory McDuff

• Reimagining Death: Stories and Practical Wisdom for Home Funerals and Green Burials (2019) / Lucinda Herring

• Remember Me: A Lively Tour of the New American Way of Death (2006) / Lisa Takeuchi Cullen

• Over My Dead Body: Unearthing the Hidden History of America's Cemeteries (2022) / Greg Melville

• The Work of the Dead: A Cultural History of Mortal Remains (2015) / Thomas W. Laqueur

Websites & Multimedia

• Green Burial Radio Program - podcast series

• Green Burial Council

• A Path Home - podcast series

• When You Die - podcast series

• 3 ½ Feet Under - Outside/In - podcast episode

• Green Burial with Elizabeth Fournier / Sustainability Defined - podcast episode

• Funeral Reform Expert: Lee Webster / What Mama Wants - podcast episode

Palliative & Hospice Care

Palliative Care is specialized medical care for people coping with physical illness. Hospice care is a type of palliative care for patients with a life-limiting diagnosis. The hospice treatment focus is on symptom management to allow for a natural death. Another way to think about it: palliative care improves quality of life, while hospice care improves quality of death.

Books

• A Beginner's Guide to the End: Practical Advice for Living and Facing Death (2019) / Dr. BJ Miller and Shoshana Berger

• Changing the Way We Die: Compassionate End-of-Life Care and the Hospice Movement (2013) / Fran Smith and Sheila Himmel

• The End of Life Advisor: Personal, Legal, and Medical Considerations for a Peaceful, Dignified Death (2009) / Susan R. Dolan and Audrey R. Vizzard

• End of Life Guideline Series by Barbara Karnes, RN

• The In-Between: Unforgettable Encounters During Life’s Final Moments (2023) / Hadley Vlahos, RN

• Palliative Care: The 400-Year Quest for a Good Death (2015) / Harold Y. Vanderpool

Websites & Multimedia

• Get Palliative Care

• Hospice Education Institute

• Hospice Foundation of America

• Barbara Karnes on Hospice (and more) / When You Die - podcast episode

• Virtual Hospice

• What is the Difference Between Palliative Care and Hospice Care? / CaringInfo.org
  
  

When Death is Sudden

"Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change." - Mary Shelley

Books

• Breaking Sad: What to Say After Loss, What Not to Say, and When to Just Show Up (2017) / Shelly Fisher and Jennifer Jones

• Checklist for Family Survivors: A Guide to Practical and Legal Matters When Someone You Love Dies (2014) / Sally Balch Hurme

• Finding the Words: How to Talk with Children and Teens about Death, Suicide, Homicide, Funerals, Cremation, and other End-of-Life Matters (2013) / Dr. Alan Wolfelt

• Grief is for People (2024) / Sloane Crosley

• I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping, and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One (2008) / Brook Noel and Dr. Pamela D. Blair

• The Intimacy of Death and Dying / Claire Leimbach, Trypheyna McShane, and Zenith Virago 

• More Than Sympathy: Essential Advice on Funerals, Money, Family, and Grief After the Death of a Loved One (2014) / Steven D. Price

Websites & Multimedia

• Care During the Shock Period (2020) / Sudden.org - video
  
  

The Science of Living & Dying

Learn more about the human body, and what happens to it at the end of life, and about death-bed visions and why they are important to the dying individual and their caregivers.

Books

• All that remains: A Renowned Forensic Scientist on Death, Mortality, and Solving Crimes (2019) / Sue Black

• All the Living and All the Dead (2022) / Hayley Campbell

• Attending: Medicine, Mindfulness, and Humanity (2017) / Dr. Ronald Epstein

• Awe: The New Science of Everyday Wonder and How it Can Transform Your Life (2023) / Dacher Keltner

• Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art (2020) / James Nestor

• Death is But a Dream: Finding Hope and Meaning at Life's End (2020) / Dr. Christopher Kerr

• The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss (2022) / Mary Frances O'Connor

• How We Die: Reflections on Life's Final Chapter (1993) / Sherwin B. Nuland

• The In-Between: Unforgettable Encounters During Life’s Final Moments (2023) / Hadley Vlahos, RN

• Last Rites: The Evolution of the American Funeral (2022) / Todd Harra

• Move: How the New Science of Body Movement Can Set Your Mind Free (2022) / Caroline Williams

• Visions, Trips, and Crowded Rooms: Who and What You See Before You Die (2010) / David Kessler

• The Work of the Dead: A Cultural History of Mortal Remains (2015) / Thomas W. Laqueur

Resources for Death Doulas & Other Deathcare Workers

Life is an ongoing journey of growth and discovery, and these resources have been invaluable to me. 

Books

• Accompanying the Dying: Practical, Heart-Centered Wisdom for End-of-Life Doulas and Health Care Advocates (2019) / Deanna Cochran

• The After-Death Care Educator Handbook: A Practical Guide for Teaching How to Care for Our Own Dead (2022) / Lee Webster

• Death Nesting: Ancient & Modern Death Doula Techniques, Mindfulness Practices, and Herbal Care (2019) / Anne-Marie Keppel

• The Doula Tool Kit: The Complete Practical Guide for End-of-Life Doulas and Caregivers (2023) / Diane Button, Gabrielle Elise Jimenez, & Angela Shook

• Gone from My Sight and other booklets by Barbara Karnes, RN

• Home Funeral Ceremonies: A Primer to Honor the Dying and the Dead with Reverence, Light-Heartedness, and Grace (2015) / Donna Belk and Kateyanne Unullisi

• The Intimacy of Death and Dying (2012) / Claire Leimbach, Trypheyna McShane, and Zenith Virago 

• Legacy: A Black Physician Recons with Racism in Medicine (2024) / Dr. Uché  Blackstock

• We All Know How This Ends: Lessons About Life and Living from Working with Death and Dying (2021) / Anna Lyons & Louise Winter 

Websites & Organizations

• Black and African-American Outreach Guide / National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization

• Funeral Consumers Alliance

• Ground Work: Racial Justice and Cultural Humility Training for Health Centers / National Association of Community Health Centers

• Hospice Care Overview for Professionals / National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization 

• Louisiana LGBTQ End of Life Guide / Wake

• National Resource Center on LGBTQ+ Aging

• Non-Monogamy and Deathcare: An End-of-Life Resource for the Non-Monogamy Community / OPEN

• The Queer Funeral Guide / Ash Hayhurst

• Resources for Deathcare Professionals / People's Memorial Association